"Well. It's a strange thing," I explained. "With
each birth your body starts out fresh and mostly blank, but then you print yourself
on it over time. You hold onto
old experiences: injuries, injustices, and great love affairs, too." I glanced up at Sophia. "And you hold them in your joints and
your organs and wear them on your skin."
"You do." She was giving me that same look of indulgence, but it was less
confident.
"We all do."
"Because we live again and again?"
"Most of us."
"Not all of us?" Her indulgence showed more signs of genuinely wanting to
know.
"Some live only once. Some a very few times. And some just go on and on and on."
"Why?"
I put my head back on my pillow. "That is hard to explain. I'm not sure I really know."
"And you?"
"I've lived many times."
"And you remember them?"
"Yes. That's where I'm different than most people."
"I'll say. And what about me?" She looked like she wasn't going to believe the answer, but slightly feared it anyway.
"You've also lived many times. But your memory is just average."
"Clearly." She laughed. "Have you known me for all of them?"
"I've tried. But no, not all."
"And why can't I remember?"
"You can more than you think. Those memories are in there somewhere. You act on them in ways you don't realized. They determine how you respond to people, the things you love and the things you fear. A lot of our irrational behavior would look more rational if you could see it in the context of your whole long life."
It was amazing the things I was will to tell her if she was willing to listen, and she was. I touched the hem of her sleeve. "I know enough about you to know you love horses and you probably dream about them. You probably dream of the desert sometimes and maybe taking a bath outdoors. Your nightmares are usually about fire. You have problems with your voice and your throat sometimes--that was always your weak spot . . ."
Her face was rapt. "Why?"
"You were strangled a long time ago."
Her alarm was a mix of real and pretend. "By whom?"
"Your husband."
"Awful. Why did I marry him?"
"You didn't have a choice."
"And you knew this man?"
"He was my brother."
"Long dead, I hope."
"Yes, but bearing a grudge through history, I fear."
I could see by her face, she was trying to figure out where to put all of this. "Are you a psychic?" she asked.
I smiled and shook my head. "Although most psychics, if they are any good, do have some memory of old lives. And so do most of the people we consider insane. An asylum is about the densest concentration of people with partial memory you will ever find. They get flashes and visions, but usually not in the right order."
She looked at me sympathetically, wondering if that's where I belonged. "Is that what you do?"
"No. I remember everything."
I start my book tour in Southbury, Connecticut tonight, move on to Atlanta and Miami later in the week, and then go to Chicago and Denver next week. The full tour schedule is posted on this site under "Events," so please do come if you live in one of the cities I'm visiting. I'd love to meet you.
On the subject of this site, I'm sort of reintroducing it today. It's been simplified a bit, it can now be reached by the address annbrashares.com (as well as annbrashares.net), and I will be able to update it much more easily. Also, you can now write to me directly (see the "Write to Ann" link on the homepage). All these changes are for the better, I hope, and I am thrilled to be able to interact with the site and with readers more easily.
Thank you for your interest in my books. Thank you for posting your lovely comments. I'll write again soon.
It's tricky to do live phone interviews from home-at least from my particular home. I try to be smooth and professional and put on a radio voice while my kids are banging on the door because they can't find their shoes and another phone is ringing and a siren is blaring out the window and the fire alarm is beeping because I forgot to replace the battery.
I always worry on such a day. I worry that no one will buy the book. I worry that many people will buy the book, but no one will like it. I worry that my mind will wander on live TV: I will stare blankly at the camera while my hair is sticking up in some funny way. I worry that no one will come to my bookstore signings. I worry that lots of people will come and that I will be boring and disappointing. "You do this every time," my husband points out.
But this day also brings a certain joy. I am launching these made-up people into the world and giving them a kind of life. I am turning a private, meditative writing experience into a reading experience I hope to share. I am trying to connect my inner life and my stories to the inner lives of others. As E.M. Forster famously wrote in Howards End, "Only connect."
It's always nervewracking to put yourself out there. But it's the root of joy.
Kate emailed me a couple of days ago to say that a woman (I think a co-worker) asked her what she was wearing to her wedding. Kate explained the great history of The Wedding Dress and all of its wearers. The co-worker said, "That's just like the Traveling Pants." And Kate explained that, in fact, I, her sister-in-law to be was not only the originator of the dress, but also wrote the Traveling Pants. According to Kate, the woman was "gobsmacked." I love that expression, but do not feel entitled to use it in regular speech, because I am not British. Kate is British, so it sounds just right from her.
